Learning to Be Lead

Finding our own light often requires looking back, and analyzing our past experiences to ensure we are moving forward.

A few posts ago I talked about life lessons and how annoyingly forgetful we can be…

When finally finding out through the hard path, what is to learn from a backbreaking situation, we better keep that for a life, right?

Who wouldn’t want to keep that knowledge that was certainly well paid?

Maybe we sacrificed a thing or two, damaged an important relationship, lost a never-returning opportunity or screwed up any other way. We must keep what was acquired from this soul-testing occasion.

Bitter reality is that most of these hard-earned lessons are never making into actual behavior changes.

Today I attempted to learn from my past, by asking a former leader of mine whom with we continuously quarreled, what was the problem?

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Identifying critical points in an organisation is what I was trained to do as MSC on Organisational development. Therefor in a work-related hierarchic relationship I come across often intimidating or even treating to the other person in position. Not just because I am quick to point out problems, but also as I tend to rush people into changes without even them wanting it…

In general a few things can be said, when individuals start to work together:

  1. Expectations: anticipating a bit more from ourselves and others it is a setup for disappointment.
  2. Assumptions: believing that the other one instantly gets us: know what are our intentions and have clarity of our style of work.
  3. Holdbacks: misinformation or complete lack of involvement to background information will make it even harder to reach effective collaboration.
  4. Preferences: everyone has it’s own ways of handling stress, overwhelming feelings, challenges, or conflicts and chances are high they will be on the opposite end of the scale. So rather tolerate each others and learn everyone’s limits and way of being comfortable.
  5. Misinterpretations: people just met you won’t know clearly why you say what you tell them. Therefore they can take something innocent and transform it in their own reality imagined about you into something horrible due to even reasons have nothing to do with you.
  6. Observations: be it self or others, first impressions are not always right. So keep questioning them until proven.

The key takeaway for me that I need to learn to be patient with people and relationships.

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These realization was not the first occasion as I have already figured these out right after many of similar experiences like that what we lived with my previous leader. Perhaps I haven’t give them a day worth of reflection nor enough time to sink in..

Although I believe setting up new behavior patterns would make things stick more. So let’s work on those muscles.

For starters, from now on, in one of my newest position with similar situation, I will follow these or at least attempt:

  • Openly and clearly communicating about preferences and feelings to avoid confusions, or emotionally overcharged situations.
  • Making sure to prove capabilities with actions
  • or referring to past experience to increase trust before sensitive topics like: pointing out area of improvements.
  • Ensuring always acknowledging the other side and their story about their own sides otherwise they will be left believing they are not understood.
  • Giving the context when talking even if something seems obvious to self
  • and asking questions to clarify if they get intentions right.

Simple: to be understood we need to understand, right?

Are you easy to lead? Or work together with? How do you achieve that?

Or are you the type who focused too much on results and betterment of processes, like me?

What are your keys to better collaboration within different team roles?

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