Conflicting Self | Cyprus Soul Searching

Recently I’m going through a lot of self-doubting as passing my 32nd birthday. I had a vision of myself leading an office by this time…

As I’m nowhere close to this, the discussion of my self-worth in the midst of what I believed to become by now, is keep triggering inner fights.

My daily argument-provoking questions are:

  • Is my life going to the right direction?
  • Can I be happy with the lifestyle I’m living currently?
  • What parts I need to be more conscious about?
  • What is to be changed?
  • Can I ever be happy with my life?

Imaging everyday one of your closest loved one keeps popping up these questions to you? What would you feel?

Nobody wants to lose the careless pleasure coming from the ease of a well-oiled relationship. So why do I keep harassing myself?

It seems like confidence between me and myself is dissolving. Mainly because the stability, security, comfort offered by my unusual day job since 2017 makes me unable and afraid to change life for what my true passion is.

Stability versus one’s true Passion

There is a World-Seeker currently buried in me who feels uncomfortable in the boarders of her own comfortable life.

She is purpose driven, dynamic and dangerously curious. The World-Seeker me is spontaneous and oppose any sort of routine or control. She wants to fulfill her own potential on any costs and ready to break any boundaries for that.

How would you try to solve any relationship issues with an other person?

A friend advised me to instead of over doubting, try to shift to rebuild the trust between me and me. Therefore I came to Cyprus to show self-love and at least help my Seeker Self get some satisfaction.

The problem that this is only a half solution to her, and she is feeling more and more restless. The last 2 years of working in the Uk with a monthly income was her sacrifice of life, as it buried her potential deep in. Even though I had traveled every two months, she is no longer fulfilled with the crumbs. She wants the whole bread.

She is no longer buying into temporary moments of meeting her desires and couriousily. She wants her own full life to be brought to existence.

World-Seeker self is not about going the the 24th country, or traveling to new destinations…

She wants to find her own potential and invest energy, time and money constantly in what offer/solution she can bring into this life to make the world a better place.

4 thoughts on “Conflicting Self | Cyprus Soul Searching

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  1. Krisztina, your ability to hit the pause button and reflect on life is admirable. Many people fail to do this. I hope that your time in Cyprus allowed for time to recharge your batteries, reflect a bit, and just enjoy being in a different place.

    1. Hey, thanks for your kind words. I had such a great time and learned a lot again. The place is beautiful I highly suggest all to go.

      Since yesterday I’m back to London, and working 24/7 till August.
      The weather is horrible here: 12C and rainy :D I wish I would have stayed in Cyprus and just enjoy the sunshine :D

      Thanks for supporting me all the time I really appreciate it. πŸ’œ

      1. Try to stay dry. I read that London was receiving above average rainfall. When you have a chance, remember to breathe. One needs extra oxygen to make it through a workday.

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